Fumble

Do you ever get telemarketing calls?  We are on the do-not-call list and get several per day.  We got one about 2 minutes ago from a young man who kept silent when my wife said, "Hello."  After 8-10 seconds he said, "hello".  Then more silence.  My wife said, "Do you have anything to say?"  

  He was silent about 3 seconds, and then started his canned spiel.  She hung up.

Was he sucking on a marijuana pipe?  So used to rejection he couldn't speak?  Shy?  

Hard to say, but I would not want him making calls for my product.

I don't want him calling me again, ever. He wasted my time and violates my privacy. He erodes my trust (I am on he do not call list, remember?). I don't wish him ill, much, but I don't like his telephone persona. Maybe in person I would enjoy him.

Probably not.

He got one chance to jump our defenses and present himself. He blew it.

How many times have I fumbled like he did, but in different contexts? I wonder. Maybe I would not like myself at such times.

What do you think? Leave a comment and let us know.

We Come Without A Manual

"For me, it's really easy to be kind to others when I remember than none of us came into this world with a manual about how to get it all right.  We are ultimately a product of our biology and environment."  

  Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight", p. 155.   

Our parents, teachers, friends, Scout troops and the adults with whom we interact as we grow up provide the manual.  Sometimes the manual is clear, with helpful tips and tricks that we absorb.  More often than not, however, no one adds to our manual ways we can keep ourselves healthy while caring for others.  So we hurt one another, disrespect others, and do damage because we are trying to keep ourselves healthy.  Or, some of us damage ourselves in order to "love one another".  

Dr. Taylor, quoted above, suggest that if we remember that none of the folks we interact with "came with a manual" we can find a better balance, ways to care without failing to care for ourselves.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.  

Focus

Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight", p. 183, wrote:

     "In an atempt to diminish the power of my fear/anger response, I intentionally choose not to watch scary movies or hang out with people whose anger circuitry is easily set off.  I consciously make choices that directly impact my circuitry.  Since I like being joyful, I hang out with people who value  my joy." 

I wonder how you understand her words.  When I think about the multi-colored tapestry of my relationships through the years, I realize that during a few periods I was one of those people who are easily angered.  I am grateful for the wise and positive folks who spent some time with me while I grew beyond my issues.

I am also aware of certain consistently negative people who impacted me.  Unconciously, usually, I moved away from them.  I spent less time with them.  I did not exclude them totally -- just maintained a healthy reserve while they were working through their stuff.  

I appreciate the notion that we can monitor our internal circuitry and make wise decisions about how often and how intensely we relate to others, as well as how much time we invest in scary movies, drugging, having affairs, and other behaviors that inhibit our inner well being.  Not only do I appreciate it, I believe it to be true.  Not only do I believe it to be true, I believe the only person who can do this well for me is . . . me.  For you . . . you.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us now.  

Ashamed

I have two daughters.  One is creative, sparkles, and loves life.  She includes others, makes and keeps friends, and brings joy wherever she goes.

The other wants to be like that, but has settled for artificiality, an unexamined life (especially in the area of feelings) and while she wants to be liked by everyone (especially on the Web) is quickly mistrusted and avoided by those who get too close.

I wondered this morning if I am ashamed of the girl who has settled.  I don't think I am.  Embarrassed in some ways, but still believing that one day she will grow and find the values within herself she once embraced.  In other words, not shame but hope is what I bring to our relationship, or lack thereof.

What about you?  Do you wonder about yourself in relation to others who are, or have been, in your life?  Leave a comment and let us know.