I have acquaintances who speak and think with contempt about 'relationships'. For them the world is about winning and losing, making it or failing, dominating or being dominated. No, they really aren't friends. Their idea of friends, if they have such an idea, is that of someone they control or have power over.
I have come to think that being human includes winning or losing, because we humans seem dominated by these realities. But professional sports requires me to think wa-a-a-y past winning and losing.
What! you exclaim. That's all professional sport is about.
Wrong, in my opinion. That's all many sportscasters and the professional gamblers that run professional sports think about, but the men and women who make a living as sports figures and team members change teams, they go free-agent, they can work as hard for that team as they did for this team. In many cases they retain strong friendships with people they once played with and now play against. Finally, what gives life lasting meaning are the warm relationships we build, not whether we "win" or "lose".
What do you think? Leave a comment and let us know.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
Shame, Sorry, or Set In Cement
As I ponder the problems people have in relationships, including the person writing this blog, I ponder silence and I ponder time. Here's how my thinking goes:
Two people have a falling out. One is angry, and cuts off communication. Totally.
The other tries a few times, and gets reamed out for trying to reconcile. She/he does not know what the problem is, but comes willing to 'own' her/his behavior that came between them. The angry person pushed away even more.
Time goes by.
The enraged person begins to feel that maybe it wasn't such a big deal after all. But she/he is ashamed. Too ashamed to reach out.
Meanwhile, the person pushed away wants to try again, but doesn't want to make the gap into a chasm.
The relationship, or lack of relationship, does not change. The long the silence continues, the harder it will be to restore or reconcile. What to do?
I mean that question: what to do?
What do you think? Have you had such an experience and a successful resolution? Leave a comment and let us know.
Two people have a falling out. One is angry, and cuts off communication. Totally.
The other tries a few times, and gets reamed out for trying to reconcile. She/he does not know what the problem is, but comes willing to 'own' her/his behavior that came between them. The angry person pushed away even more.
Time goes by.
The enraged person begins to feel that maybe it wasn't such a big deal after all. But she/he is ashamed. Too ashamed to reach out.
Meanwhile, the person pushed away wants to try again, but doesn't want to make the gap into a chasm.
The relationship, or lack of relationship, does not change. The long the silence continues, the harder it will be to restore or reconcile. What to do?
I mean that question: what to do?
What do you think? Have you had such an experience and a successful resolution? Leave a comment and let us know.
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