Many years ago I learned an important distinction. I learned that we often confuse two quite different experiences. We confuse guilt with shame, and shame with guilt. They feel like first cousins, if not identical, when we are hurting. Making the distinction, however, permits us to deal with each of them with some success.
In one sense, guilt is the easy one. We are guilty when we break a rule, social convention, law, or commandment. This is a legal concept. There are two choices: guilty or not guilty. Shading comes in the statement of the crime, not whether one is guilty or not guilty. Simple, really. It might be murder, second-degree murder, or killing in service of one's government. Did you? Did you not? Guilty? or, not guilty?
There is an antidote for guilt. A solution, really.
A person can never be un-guilty, but he or she can be. . . forgiven.
Forgiven by the person I hurt, or his surviving family. Forgiven by society. And, hardest of all, forgiven by one's self.
In our law-oriented society we are basically about determining guilt. Less so, we work with forgiveness. Resources are in place to help us.
Guilty? Not Guilty? What do you think? Leave a comment and let us know.
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