Getting Down

When they were young I built my daughters a "climbing toy".  It went up about four feet, and had "rungs" they could climb up.  As they began to climb they found it pretty easy to get to the top.  They they wanted me to help them down.
  "You have to learn to climb down", I said, "if you are going to climb up."  As you may know, it feels lots more scary to come down than to go up.  dfBut whether on a climbing toy, a ladder or mountain climbing, if you want to go up you have to come down, preferably with grace and safety.

I think the same thing applies in relationships.  Every once in awhile someone will "get up on her high horse" (or his high horse).  A person will make judgments, pontificate, announce sweeping pronouncements or diagnostic determinations that don't work.  Often they are wrong.
  At such a time a person needs to come down off her high horse, find a safe and graceful way to say, "I was wrong" or "I'm sorry."
If a person cannot learn to climb off her high horse comfortably enduring relationships will be hard to come by.  I wonder, in fact, how many divorces are caused by people who don't have (and maybe don't want) the skill of getting down.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Smoothing Through the Rough Spots

I have had the privilege of being in relationships, observing relationships, watching relationships fail, and feeling my way through relationships.  In spite of the "do what you feel" push of the late sixties and seventies, I have observed a consistent thread running through relationships that last.
That thread is:  courtesy.  Politeness.  Unfailing commitment to what some folks call "social lubrication".
Courtesy includes thanking a spouse for cooking a meal, thanking a child for making his bed, using the word "please" when asking for something (even something like "Please pass the potatoes") and asking, "May I interrupt for a moment?"
What if you don't feel grateful.  Say "Thank you" anyway.  What if you think the potatoes are your 'right'?  Say "Please" anyway.  Develop these habits.  Stick  to these habits.
Include these habits at work.  At the bar.  In a restaurant.  Playing ball.  I'll tell you why this is important.
Wherever there are two or more people, friction arises.  Tedium, irritability, coolness where once there was warmth, a sense of desperation, and inevitably, impatience.  When people continue being courteous, they smooth the way through these frictions and the good feelings, the sense of possibilities, the camaraderie and teamwork reassert themselves.  In marriage, family and friendships warm feelings, even love, rears up and you remember why these people are so important in your life.

"A Scout is courteous" is one of the Scout laws.  I believe courtesy is also a useful law for all of us to live by.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.