Push, Pull or Procrastinate. Possibilities

The lizard brain might save us from sabre-toothed tigers (probably not) but it doesn't help us very much with relationships.  I worte a bit ago about the experience of being marginalized.  Whether it's a boss who marginalizes me or a daughter who rejects me, or an aging parent who throws me out for trying to help -- pushing that person away, or forcibly trying to pull the person closer, or even procrastinating seldom works.

What alternative does a human have?

I suppose a person can pray.  I do.  But if I'm not careful, praying is just a form of procrastination.

I know a person can express anger in a healthy way.  For the moment, think about healthy ways to express anger.  There are not many. . .

I advocate finding a trusted friend or counselor (the bartender doesn't usually count) and talking the problem out.  See if putting it into words helps you get some clarity.  After you have gotten the emotions out, try to see it from all angles.  "I feel this, I experience this, etc.. . "  Try to see it from the point of view of the person who has marginalized you.  "She sees this, she has that point of view, he struggles with . . . "

When possible, begin developing a course of action.  If you have to write hate-letters, do not send them.  That's the lizard brain taking control.  That tiger will chew you up.

If you have been marginalized in a relationship, do you redefine the relationship?  Abandon the relationship?  Take a time out from the relationship?  Keep trying to make the relationship work?  Seek reconciliation?

Clear communication will help if  the other person(s) are willing to communicate as well.  Plan on awkwardness.  A neutral or trained third party present might be useful

I don't advocate thinking only, but using the frontal lobe of the brain usually contributes to achieving the best results.

It might not produce the desired results.  We might have to accept better results than we get from only pushing people away, pulling the wrong people close or procrastinating.  But we can get unstuck.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.